crazy girl

i had a run-in with a crazy girl today.
it was raining, and she had on a bright blue raincoat and obnoxious yellow boots, and she was screaming into the wind like a maniac. she was on the hill. my hill. my favorite place.
and so i asked her, as i came along behind her, "what are you doing?"
and she responded, as she threw her arms out wide and a gust of wind blew her hood off her face, "i'm remembering what it felt like to fly."
i sat down beside her, and she fell into a sitting position beside me. "did you ever fly?"
"i did not," i responded, pulling out a camera. i never took any pictures, it was just an old habit of mine: have a camera out and see what you catch. once i caught a sunset. after that, the magnificence had dwindled.
"flying is brilliant," she said, feeling the rainwater on her rubber boots. hands going up and down along them. "i can't describe it."
i didn't say anything after that. i could tune her out and focus on my own problems. that's what my spot on the hill had become.

today i had another run-in with the crazy girl.
she was once again on my hill, this time her arms stretching in front of her, as though she were fervently trying to grasp something.
"what's it today?" i mused, sitting down on my spot. the wet grass from the recent rain showers did not effect me. i had my camera in my lap. i waited for a response, but she took her time.
"i'm trying..." she began, and i noticed the look on her face. a look of loss, and longing, and desperation. she was not the girl i had met yesterday.
"did you stand here all night?" i asked, in a tone which made it evident that i did not think she was completely sane.
"i want my feeling back," she continued, stretching her fingers and reaching for the sky. "i want to feel wind and rain and sunlight, and i want to feel nature and humanity and i want to touch emotion, because it's something tangible, you know?"
"i don't know," i said. "emotion is in your head. you'll catch a cold if you don't go inside somewhere. do you have a home?"
"i want to see starlight from heaven," she said, inhaling the wind. and then, "i want to smell clouds."
i couldn't tell if these were hidden pleas for help, so i asked, in as strong a voice as i could, "are you suicidal?"
"i just want to fly again."
"people weren't made to fly," i said, wondering if i should stand up or pull her down. "i'm sure we can fly later," i added, as though to soothe her.
"i can fly now."
"you're not making sense."
"if i don't try, i'll get no results!" she cried, shutting her eyes. her hands looked like she was touching something, but i couldn't tell what.
again, i made no response. i clenched my teeth in frustration and looked away, trying to solve what was going on in my world and not her's. because that's why i had a spot on a hill--to solve things.

today i had my last run-in with the crazy girl.
it was raining harder than i had been over the last few days. i made my way up the hill, almost irritated at my fascination at the girl. i wanted to see if she'd be there again today. i wasn't wrong; she was exactly where she had been.
"stop trying to fly!" i told her. "it's really starting to come down!"
"you don't need wings to fly!" she assured me. but this time she did not focus on the sky or the wind; she turned around and looked me in the eyes. she was plain, and had no outstanding features, but her eyes had a fierce determination that made them burn with passion.
"really," i said, grabbing onto her sleeve. her arm did not tense at my touch. "you'll probably get sick if you keep standing out here. it's really windy, and rainy."
"when you were younger, did you think you were magical?" she asked me. it was a totally serious question. "did you think that at any moment, something fantastic would occur and you would be whisked away to something greater?"
"yeah," my response was quiet. something stirred in my chest, as though my heart strings were an instrument and she was the musician. "yeah."
"yes," she repeated, as though she had broken through to me. i didn't understand. "so you get it now?"
"no," i pressed on, shaking my head, "i don't understand."
"flight!" she yelled. and a great gust of wind picked up, and her body swayed towards me. mine did not falter.
"you really should come inside, you can come to my house."
"i'm going to fly!" she looked offended at my offer.
"you can't fly, stop being ridiculous!" i shouted over the roaring volume of the wind. "birds can fly, bugs can fly, bats can fly, but people can't--"
"it's a matter of trying!" she whirled around, spread her arms, and i bent my head against the wind. my camera flew out of my hands and hit the ground with a great flash. i opened my eyes; there was no screaming wind, and no girl in front of me.

today, it was so sunny.